Friday, January 05, 2007

Very Suspicious Hats

I really need to start remembering to post before eleven at night. This whole "Oh, look, it's almost tomorrow" system isn't working out so well.

Anyhoo, I was thinking about suspiciousness. Like, what makes someone seem suspicious? Squinty eyes? Furtive movements? Ketchup-and-cheese sandwiches? Well, I was thinking about it, and thanks to a story that I'm pretty sure I can't post until it's been judged, I've decided that hats are a deciding factor in suspiciousness. Yes, I'm serious.

Let me prove it to you. Think of a generic suspicious person. Now think of what that generic suspicious person is wearing. There's a hat in there, right? Now think of your suspect without the hat. Unless they have very suspicious hair, of which I cannot think of an example, a good bit of the suspiciousness is lost.

So, now that we've established that hats can enhance suspiciousness considerably, are there any hats that are more suspicious than others? Like, a wide brimmed hat, other than something along the lines of a pink sombrero, will be very suspicious because it hides most of the suspects face. A mickey mouse hat? Not so much. In fact, that kinda detracts from the suspiciousness. Would you arrest someone in a mickey mouse hat? No. You'd stare at them, and maybe snicker, but you wouldn't arrest them, unless you're a member of the fashon police.

Given that I've spent several hours watching crime shows over the past few weeks, I'd call this topic researched, in a very loose sense of the word. And my quote-on-quote research proves my point. About seventy-five percent of the suspects eventually arrested were wearing a hat (and generally sunglasses) at some point during the show, and maybe half of those at the time of their arrest. I do know that crime shows don't show actual statistics, but they do show people's perspective of what makes people suspicious. And from what I see, hats are a big part of it.

Anyone else got an opinion on this?


Dana said...

...Why did you watch crime shows?

There, that's mt opinion.

Amanda said...

Because they're awesome. Numb3rs, Monk, and Psyche all arrest whatever shows you watch for being lame. Lamer than Numb3rs, Monk, and Psyche, that is.

Of course, that's just my opinion.

Brian said...

Nice. Your posts never fail to make me laugh. Unless they're sad. They're well written!