Monday, October 23, 2006

Tech support

Ok, so the tech support people really do live in India. The one that I talked to was named Mohammed. I don't think he'd ever heard of "A cd broke into hundreds of tiny pieces inside my disk drive and I can't get all the little shards out" before. He's sending me a new disk drive.
Also, Dell has really annoying hold music. It changes about every twenty seconds, and is occasionally interupted by a pleasant voice talking about what your problem might be if you've forgotten to plug in your monitor or something. I felt rather like blowing up the phone after a while. I don't have superpowers, though, so I couldn't without risking my call actually getting through while I was trying to find the explosives. Ah well.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

More Supervillian list!

It's 51-100! Yay!

  1. If I ever conquered a country or anything, I would not put my picture all over. That's just like saying to the hero, "Hey! I'm an evil dictator! Come and connect your fist with my face!"
  2. I would not attempt to drop large heavy objects from a plane onto small children. After saving the kids, the hero would come and knock my plane out of the sky into the Atlantic ocean. Not the Pacific, the atlantic. The hero always knocks the plane into the Atlantic. I wonder why.
  3. I would never attempt to destroy the earths ecosystem by melting the north pole. If the earth goes, so do I.
  4. I would install land mines around my base, then leave a map at the scene of the crime telling the hero how to avoid them, but really directing them onto every single one.
  5. I would not be motivated by revenge on the hero for doing something like "You were rude to my grandmother when you were in the boy scouts selling popcorn and you forgot to say thank you when she ordered 20 of the carmel popcorn tins!"
  6. If I managed to knock my foe unconcious but for some reason I couldn't get them to my secret base for torture, I would tape as many large objects to them as I could before they woke up or their friends arrived.
  7. I would always make fun of their name. I would buy a rhyming dictionary and instead of their name, an example is "Ultra cool dude", I would call him "Sticky drool dude."
  8. At some point in time, even if I knew they would escape, I would create a really big superhero trap entirely out of cardboard, Duct tape, and melted butter. You can use your imagination on this, as what I'm thinking of would be a little too complicated to draw.
  9. I would hack the computer in their secret base, and force them to listen to tapes of someone practicing the violin all the time.
  10. I would change all their files to read "heros are stupid" in at least 60 different languages.
  11. I would make their security system play pranks on them.
  12. I would rename any files that I did not change so they were all titled "Evil Computer Virus."
  13. I would hire a team of assasins to kill some important government official, then I would tip off the hero. I would then videotape the result and send it in to "Americas Funniest Home Videos."
  14. I would never tell anyone who could possibly get captured my real name.
  15. In fact, i would never tell ANYONE my real name. it's just a bad idea!
  16. I would never say in a ransom note "Leave the money behind the rock, and I'll leave the kid behind the rock." I would still tell them to leave the money behind the rock, but I would leave the kid in a daycare center somewhere, due to the fact that kids don't like staying behind rocks.
  17. Whenever I was around the hero or any law enforcement officals, I would talk in pig latin or japanese just to see them become confused.
  18. I would never attempt to kidnap royalty. They usually have enough bodygaurds to populate Canada.
  19. I would not attempt to genetically engeneer dinosaurs from fossils. Heros would just do something like capture them for scientific research.
  20. I would learn as many martial arts as possible.
  21. I would have my gaurds on regular shifts so they would not fall asleep just as the hero shows up, and they would have free coffee in the security camera room.
  22. There would also be more than two of these guards on duty at any given time so the security room is never empty while they go to the bathroom or something like that.
  23. I would not give keys to the secret base to everyone who was working for me.
  24. I would not test any dangerous chemical intended to give superpowers on myself.
  25. I would make sure that no one who was vital to my plan smoked or was addicted to anything
  26. No one would be told anything non-vital to their mission that could help the heros.
  27. I would make sure that all prisoners were bound and gagged, and that they were not actually rich enough to offer the gaurds triple what I pay them.
  28. I would make sure that I took all utility belts off of captured heros, since they sometimes hold skeleton keys.
  29. I would never use chocolate to kill the heros. That would just be a waste of chocolate. (I actually saw a cartoon bad guy try this once.)
  30. I would tap the hero's radio signals so I would know their plans for defeating me in advance.
  31. After learning their plans, I would play loud obnoxious rock music over their radio frequency.
  32. All my bank accounts would be under different assumed names.
  33. If I was captured and they asked me to come along peacefully, I would never say, "Make me."
  34. I would not taunt the heros while they were interrogating me.
  35. If I was captured and they asked me my name, I would not give them my real name.
  36. I would order my lawyers to sue the hero every time they beat me up. The jury might actually fall for it.
  37. I would always carry a squirt gun filled with lemon juice. The heros never wear any eye protection.
  38. My car would a minivan, and would not have a flashy paint job. The heros would never suspect that their enemy was in the blue minivan stuck in traffic.
  39. I would put a stop light directly before the entrance to the secret base. The heros, being the law abiding dorks that they are, will stop and not invade my secret base.
  40. I would not name my underground company after myself.
  41. I would not paint my face white and become an evil mime.
  42. I would launch a decoy of my spaceship and have it go down in flames, convincing the heros that I was dead.
  43. I would not have huge boating partys and invite the heros to come unless they were the only guests and the boat was rigged to explode. I would still be carrying my jet pack, and would survive.
  44. My secret base would not be in a dormant volcano that could go off at any time.
  45. I would find out what the heros were weak to, then dump it on them in large amounts.
  46. I would not bribe cops that were dumb enough to tell someone I had bribed them.
  47. I would not carry out secret dealings in public places such as coffee shops, where the hero just might happen to overhear.
  48. There would be no self destruct button in my secret base. It would be hidden in the glove box of my spaceship and would blow up the base by remote control.
  49. I would memorize how to use the entire english dictionary, then call them a "Tatterdemalion" or something and watch them become extremly confused.
  50. I would not attempt, no matter how much fun it would be, to hold someone up with a banana.
Oops, looks like the computer decided to number it 1-50. Well, it's not. Deal with it.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

oh my gosh....

My computer just ate a cd. Like, literally ate the cd. Like, it's in hundreds of tiny pieces now. I've got pictures of it... Well, I guess that means no more Last Exile (which was on the cd) for a while.

Oh my gosh... I didn't even know this was possible. It just... ate it. How does that even work? And parts of my cd drive fell off too...
Wow. Not gonna put any cds in that thing after this.

(On a side note, Last Exile is awesome. Now it's just awesome in hundreds of tiny pieces.)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What I would do if I was a supervillian

I made this list a while back. I'm not entirely sure why, but it's fun. So, I'm posting one through fifty. They aren't in any specific order, so have fun.

What I would Do If I were a Supervillian

  1. I would not carry kryptonite. No matter how fun it is to watch Superman shrivel up and die, it's not worth getting blood poisoning over.
  2. I would wear a fire-proof suit.
  3. I would always carry a jetpack.
  4. I would carry several different weapons, and I would make sure that they were always in good condition
  5. I would blow the heros base to smitherines before they beat me up multiple times.
  6. I would never team up with other villans.
  7. If I had to team up with other villans, I would not call the group "the councel of doom." I would call it "Supervillans non-anoymous," or something at least somewhat original like that.
  8. I would not leave the hero to a firey doom chained to a rock falling into a pit of lava. I would stay to watch.
  9. I would wear a mask, and I would not tell the hero my name.
  10. I would not create free thinking robots that would be larger and more powerful than me.
  11. If I had to create free thinking robots, I would make sure that I could blow them up in an emergency.
  12. If the superhero had a cape, I would set it on fire as often as possible.
  13. I would wear my underwear on the inside of my pants.
  14. I would not dump toxic waste in the river. The mutant fish never eat the hero anyway.
  15. The entrance to my control room would have metal detectors and a retinal scanner.
  16. I would not leave a note announcing my crimes before they are commited.
  17. I would plant as many bombs as possible on my enemys person.
  18. If evil aliens were invading, I would not bother the hero until all the aliens were dead.
  19. I would not test my evil inventions on animals.
  20. I would not kidnap or kill anyone who was in any way related to the hero.
  21. I would place a tracker on the hero until I knew who he was. Then I would find something to blackmail him with.
  22. I would have a team of lawyers awaiting my command in case I ever got captured.
  23. If I ever went to jail, I would not go insane and paste newspaper clippings of the hero's latest exploits all over the walls of my cell. I would use wallpaper.
  24. I would not give myself an overdose on the telepathy machine.
  25. Nothing important, such as "Big Huge Desintegrator Ray" would be labeled as such.
  26. The switch for turning off my death ray or whatever I was using, would be located in an unlikely place, such as a blender or a moose head.
  27. The switch that was labeled "on/off" for the death ray would actually drop a piano on the hero.
  28. There would be an escape pod, but it would be labeled as a broom closet.
  29. The escape pod would go through a tunnel to my other secret base, not up into space where I will undoubtably be captured or eaten by aliens.
  30. The broom closet would be labeled as the escape pod.
  31. There would be only one entrance to my secret base, and it would be gaurded and have all the super computerized security stuff I could find.
  32. The computer that controled the door would not be connected to the internet, and would be hidden in a wall.
  33. I would not use the abandoned warehouse to construct my big huge traps for the hero. I would create a diversion, then use the hero's base.
  34. My spaceship would be much faster than the hero's.
  35. I would have a cool nickname, not like "Ka-thackitator" or "Lobster Man."
  36. The wire that disarmed the bomb would not be red, it would be blue.
  37. The red wire in the bomb would trigger a bucket of acid falling on the hero.
  38. If I broke out of prison, I wouldn't slug it out with the heros. I would hide until they left.
  39. If I needed to torture the heros for any reason, I would use a maze, peanut butter, and a recording of "Its a small world after all."
  40. My guards would be trained with bows and arrows. If necesary, they could paint themselves like savages and convince the heros that there was a time warp somewhere.
  41. I would develop a mind control device as soon as possible.
  42. I would never tell anyone where my secret base was. If I was interrogated, I would say that "I'll never give you the secret ingredient for my carmel apples!" I would continue saying this until they were convinced that they had the wrong person or I was insane.
  43. I would never mess with any alien force that could eat me in three bites or less.
  44. I would not actually seek out the hero and challenge him to a fight.
  45. Unless there was no other option, my perfered method of operation would not be to sneak up behind the hero and whack him with a rock.
  46. I would not geneticly engineer a mighty army of shark-eagles or whatever. A computer virus will create just as much chaos without the pet-food bills.
  47. I would always make sure my guards were not heroes wearing disguises.
  48. I would never trust anyone wearing black hornrim glasses with a huge nose and moustache.
  49. I would never buy a secret weapon from someone who looked supiciously like one of the heros friends from work.
  50. I would never testify against the hero in an intergalactic court. They would come and beat me up afterwards and ask me who I was working for.
There's over a hundred more. Maybe I'll post those later, but this is big enough for now.