Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What I would do if I was a supervillian

I made this list a while back. I'm not entirely sure why, but it's fun. So, I'm posting one through fifty. They aren't in any specific order, so have fun.

What I would Do If I were a Supervillian

  1. I would not carry kryptonite. No matter how fun it is to watch Superman shrivel up and die, it's not worth getting blood poisoning over.
  2. I would wear a fire-proof suit.
  3. I would always carry a jetpack.
  4. I would carry several different weapons, and I would make sure that they were always in good condition
  5. I would blow the heros base to smitherines before they beat me up multiple times.
  6. I would never team up with other villans.
  7. If I had to team up with other villans, I would not call the group "the councel of doom." I would call it "Supervillans non-anoymous," or something at least somewhat original like that.
  8. I would not leave the hero to a firey doom chained to a rock falling into a pit of lava. I would stay to watch.
  9. I would wear a mask, and I would not tell the hero my name.
  10. I would not create free thinking robots that would be larger and more powerful than me.
  11. If I had to create free thinking robots, I would make sure that I could blow them up in an emergency.
  12. If the superhero had a cape, I would set it on fire as often as possible.
  13. I would wear my underwear on the inside of my pants.
  14. I would not dump toxic waste in the river. The mutant fish never eat the hero anyway.
  15. The entrance to my control room would have metal detectors and a retinal scanner.
  16. I would not leave a note announcing my crimes before they are commited.
  17. I would plant as many bombs as possible on my enemys person.
  18. If evil aliens were invading, I would not bother the hero until all the aliens were dead.
  19. I would not test my evil inventions on animals.
  20. I would not kidnap or kill anyone who was in any way related to the hero.
  21. I would place a tracker on the hero until I knew who he was. Then I would find something to blackmail him with.
  22. I would have a team of lawyers awaiting my command in case I ever got captured.
  23. If I ever went to jail, I would not go insane and paste newspaper clippings of the hero's latest exploits all over the walls of my cell. I would use wallpaper.
  24. I would not give myself an overdose on the telepathy machine.
  25. Nothing important, such as "Big Huge Desintegrator Ray" would be labeled as such.
  26. The switch for turning off my death ray or whatever I was using, would be located in an unlikely place, such as a blender or a moose head.
  27. The switch that was labeled "on/off" for the death ray would actually drop a piano on the hero.
  28. There would be an escape pod, but it would be labeled as a broom closet.
  29. The escape pod would go through a tunnel to my other secret base, not up into space where I will undoubtably be captured or eaten by aliens.
  30. The broom closet would be labeled as the escape pod.
  31. There would be only one entrance to my secret base, and it would be gaurded and have all the super computerized security stuff I could find.
  32. The computer that controled the door would not be connected to the internet, and would be hidden in a wall.
  33. I would not use the abandoned warehouse to construct my big huge traps for the hero. I would create a diversion, then use the hero's base.
  34. My spaceship would be much faster than the hero's.
  35. I would have a cool nickname, not like "Ka-thackitator" or "Lobster Man."
  36. The wire that disarmed the bomb would not be red, it would be blue.
  37. The red wire in the bomb would trigger a bucket of acid falling on the hero.
  38. If I broke out of prison, I wouldn't slug it out with the heros. I would hide until they left.
  39. If I needed to torture the heros for any reason, I would use a maze, peanut butter, and a recording of "Its a small world after all."
  40. My guards would be trained with bows and arrows. If necesary, they could paint themselves like savages and convince the heros that there was a time warp somewhere.
  41. I would develop a mind control device as soon as possible.
  42. I would never tell anyone where my secret base was. If I was interrogated, I would say that "I'll never give you the secret ingredient for my carmel apples!" I would continue saying this until they were convinced that they had the wrong person or I was insane.
  43. I would never mess with any alien force that could eat me in three bites or less.
  44. I would not actually seek out the hero and challenge him to a fight.
  45. Unless there was no other option, my perfered method of operation would not be to sneak up behind the hero and whack him with a rock.
  46. I would not geneticly engineer a mighty army of shark-eagles or whatever. A computer virus will create just as much chaos without the pet-food bills.
  47. I would always make sure my guards were not heroes wearing disguises.
  48. I would never trust anyone wearing black hornrim glasses with a huge nose and moustache.
  49. I would never buy a secret weapon from someone who looked supiciously like one of the heros friends from work.
  50. I would never testify against the hero in an intergalactic court. They would come and beat me up afterwards and ask me who I was working for.
There's over a hundred more. Maybe I'll post those later, but this is big enough for now.


Arya Svit-kona said...

amanda, that's awesome!

Dana said...

*laughs* Post more, please!